(Craig Harper, B.Ex.Sci., is a motivational speaker from Australia who writes the most delightful piece about the life of a dog and his desire for the good 'ol days with the "Boss" who now is too busy and stressed for him. It made me think of my dog's slide down the totem pole since the birth of my son Cooper and the hectic life of balancing my private practice, writing and my marriage, among other things. It also reminded me how important it is to slow down. A lesson I apparently need to keep learning. This brought a smile to my face and I hope it does yours...)
It must be morning; I'm hungry.
Then again, I'm always hungry, so it could really be any time.
I can hear the shower and feel the sun on my back, so I'm guessing the Boss is awake.
I lift my head off my bed and look down the passage .
I want a shower too.
Sometimes I try and get in but he won't let me.
Boring.
He's not so happy in the mornings any more.
He used to be, but things have changed.
I think it's stress.
Not really sure what that is, but I know it's not good.
It's a human thing.
I've heard him talk about it on the phone.
Don't really know what a phone is either, but I know they're good to chew.
Chewing's one of my favourite things.
In the old days we wrestled every morning.
He'd pull my ears and I'd jump on his head.
These days, not so much.
Before he went to work, we'd play ball.
After work too.
He'd throw, I'd fetch.
He'd throw, I'd fetch.
Forever.
What an amazing game.
Such fun.
He'd laugh and talk human. I'd growl.
I'd laugh if I could.
Mostly, I'd just wag my tail.
I think it's sad that humans don't have tails.
Sometimes he'd lose focus, so I would nudge him.
Maybe a little nip on the hand just to keep his head in the game.
How much fun can one Golden Retriever and one human have?
But lately he seems grumpy.
Sometimes, I wonder if he still loves me.
I lick him anyway because he's my favourite human in the world.
I get so excited to see him.
When he hugs me, my tail wags all by itself.
I wonder why my kisses don't make him happy like they used to.
In the good old days, we would walk to the park every day.
We'd hang out with other dogs and humans.
I mostly played with Kelvin the fat Labrador and the Boss would laugh with Kelvin's human; a female who smelled like vanilla.
I licked her once.
She didn't taste so good.
We don't walk together much these days.
And when we do, he talks on the phone.
I hate that phone.
I'm gonna eat it when he's not looking.
I liked it more when we lived in the first house.
The little one.
Three houses ago.
He played with me the most in that house.
I loved that place.
He was happier and he didn't yell at me for getting on the couch.
Or chewing his shoes.
We used to watch TV together on the couch every night.
Well, I slept, he watched.
He would rest his hand on my head.
I like that.
Now we live in a big house, with a big stupid couch.
A stupid couch for humans only.
Not dogs.
I don't like the big house or the big couch.
He makes me stay down on the stupid slippery polished floor boards.
The other day I slid into the table and hurt my nose.
Stupid floor boards.
When I was puppy we used to go everywhere together.
We would both ride in the old station wagon and I would put my head out the window.
Or on his lap.
It was the most fun ever.
I don't know why humans don't do it.
Head out the window, that is.
Don't they know?
No more head out the window action for me these days though.
Mr Serious has a new fancy schmancy car.
Apparently, it's a dog-free zone too.
On the rare occasion that I do get a ride, I have to lie on three blankets.
And no wind in my face.
What's the point of that?
Like having a bone you can't chew.
Stupid.
We used to go to the beach every weekend in that old station wagon.
We surfed together.
Well, he surfed, I chased seagulls, played in the waves and rolled in the sand.
He liked talking to the girl humans who wanted to play with me.
They only talked to him because I was there.
Sometimes he got kisses but I always got more.
On the way home I would put my wet, sandy, hairy body on the front seat and he was happy I was next to him.
I loved that car too.
Those were the days.
We haven't done that since I was four.
Five years ago.
Too busy apparently.
Too busy being successful and important to have fun with me.
Glad I'm not successful, it doesn't look like much fun.
But I'm so adorable, I don't understand why he doesn't miss me.
In fact, I don't really understand him sometimes.
He's meant to be smarter than me but lately, I'm not so sure.
I know I'm just a dog and I don't really understand a lot of human stuff, but I do
know about fun and happiness.
He's rarely happy these days.
And he's always too tired to do anything.
Even when I pull his sleeve.
Or lick his face.
If he got rid of the stupid slippery floor, the dumb couch, the dumb car and played
with me more, then he would be happy.
Me too.
I used to sleep on the end of his bed.
Used to.
(heavy sigh)
But now he has a new dog-free bed too.
Of course.
It's expensive and apparently I moult.
Whatever that means.
I hate that bed.
I chew the legs when he's not around.
Next year we're moving to another house.
A bigger one.
Maybe that will make him happy.
Hope so.
Doubt it though.
If I could speak, I'd tell him that too.
I don't get the big house thing; there's only him and me.
Us dogs don't really care how big our kennel is, we just want to be near our human.
Anyway, I'm very excited about today.
I'm gonna hang out with Charlie for a while.
He's my buddy from over the fence.
We made a hole so we can visit each other.
I'm not really sure what kinda dog he is, but it doesn't matter.
He's pretty smart but not quite as handsome as me.
We do fun stuff together every day.
Mostly we chase birds.
I hate those birds.
And we chew old lady Jacobs' laundry baskets.
We've eaten three of them.
Baskets not birds.
Then I might lie in the sun.
And chew my foot for a while.
I might have a power-nap too.
Chasing birds makes me tired.
I reckon the Boss should lie in the sun with me.
And chew his foot for a while.
It's relaxing.
It might help with his stress.
Whatever that is.
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Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world. Learn more about him at http://www.craigharper.com.au/
The Mental Health Place: A Dog's Life
The Mental Health Place: Panic Attacks - Effective Ways to Cope
(Dr. Michael G. Rayel, MD, describes the experience of someone with Panic Disorder, as well as thoughts on coping and effective medications)
Jill is a 21 y/o college student who used to do well until about a few months ago when she started to experience “weird” attacks almost daily. She described her experience as “horrible.” When she has the attack, she feels that she’s about to die or develop a stroke.
One day while she was in a mall, she suddenly developed an “overwhelming” sensation all over her body. She was sweaty and tremulous and felt that her heart was pumping so fast. Within a few seconds, she also suffered from chest pain and shortness of breath. This episode lasted for about 10 minutes but she felt that this was her worst ten minutes of her life.
Overwhelmed by her experience, she has stayed away from malls and has avoided being in a crowd of people. Because of the frequency of the attacks, Jill can’t anymore function normally. She is afraid to leave the house and go to work.
Jill’s experience is typical of someone with Panic Disorder. A person with panic disorder develops anxiety attacks associated with the thought that he or she would die or develop a stroke or heart attack. Physical changes such as fast heart beat, shortness of breath, fainting episodes, sweating and tremulousness are some of the accompanying symptoms.
A typical episode usually comes “out of the blue” and not precipitated by any triggers. It can therefore happen any time and anywhere. An attack can last for a few to several minutes.
One episode can make a person feel scared of having another one. In fact, a lot of people feel distressed anticipating the occurrence of another attack. So most individuals prefer to stay at home and isolate themselves from friends, co-workers, and even relatives. Eventually they become incapacitated.
If you’re like Jill, is there any treatment that can help?
Yes, there is. Individuals with this condition are successfully treated with an antidepressant such as the serotonin-reuptake inhibitors. Usually, the dose should be started low, for instance 10 mg/day of citalopram. After a few weeks, the dose should be gradually increased depending upon the person’s clinical status.
Cognitive behavior therapy is likewise very effective. This type of “talk psychotherapy” helps the individual to restructure his or her thinking. Negative cognition associated with the illness should be addressed in therapy because it creates more harm than good. Relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises should also help.
During treatment, patience is very important because it takes a while before any intervention helps. However, don’t despair. After a few weeks, the medication should start working and should give you a feeling of comfort.
What’s the role of benzodiazepines (e.g. lorazepam or clonazepam) in the treatment of panic disorder? This type of drug can provide acute relief but should be used only on a short-term basis because of its addiction potential. For long-term treatment, antidepressants and psychotherapy are still preferable.
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Copyright © 2005. Dr. Michael G. Rayel – author (First Aid to Mental Illness–Finalist, Reader’s Preference Choice Award 2002) psychiatrist, and inventor of Oikos Game: An Emotional Intelligence or EQ Game. For more information, please visit http://www.oikosgame.com.
The Mental Health Place: Calming the Spinning Thoughts of Anxiety
People who suffer with the distressing symptoms of anxiety often experience rumination, or recurrent worry and thought spinning. This can greatly impact sleep and daily living. The negative cyclical thinking tends to have a spiraling effect - where the person ends up at the worst possible scenario - "Something bad will happen to me," or "She's going to leave me...," etc. There is often absolutely no evidence to support the beliefs yet the emotional reactivity they stir up makes them feel very real to the person thinking them! If you feel invaded by fear based thinking, here are some steps you can take to get the thoughts out of your head right now:
1) Anchor your awareness in the present by taking slow deep breaths, keeping focused on your breathing. Do so for several minutes.
2) Notice your feelings and label them. Think of the "big four," mad, sad, glad and afraid.
3) Acknowledge the feelings rather than try to push them away as you continue to breathe deeply.
4) Give yourself a break. Imagine how you might be with a friend who was struggling in the same way you are. Would you be compassionate? Empathetic? Be the same way with yourself.
5) Breathe slowly for another minute or so as you refocus your attention to the day.
These steps will provide the framework for a good start in decreasing thought spinning. There are a lot of other great tools that can be learned to use on your own. In my work with people struggling with anxiety, a combination of family of origin exploration and cognitive behavioral therapy has been highly effective in diminishing the effects of many types of anxiety.
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Lisa Brookes Kift is a Marriage and Family Therapist providing Individual and Couples Counseling in San Diego, California. Her unique therapy approach weaves together elements of cognitive behavioral, attachment and family of origin theories – as well as an emphasis on "emotional safety" as it relates to a strong relationship foundation. Lisa’s therapy style is compassionate, no nonsense and down-to earth. All of these things – combined with her clients’ willingness to “dig deep” - have led to great success in helping people resolve their individual issues and have more satisfying relationships.
The Mental Health Place: Stress Management for Professionals
None of has unlimited time. Professionals or executives often find themselves in a pressure-cooker environment as they manage people, make costly decisions or determine directions of their organizations - on top of their obligations to family and friends. How they manage their time is critical to how they will be able to manage their stress – and more and more admit that stress is impacting their jobs, emotional life, relationships and ultimately their health.
The first step in managing stress is to become more aware of all of the things that trigger it. Keep a stress journal documenting all of your stressors for one week. Don’t forget to include the less obvious stressors like commuting or family arguments. This way you at least have a starting point to do some self examination of your stress – and then figure out how you’re going to cope. Obviously, some stressors will not change and must be accepted - but others might benefit from being adjusted to lessen their impact.
Time management and effective delegation are two of the leading ways to combat unusually stressed professionals in higher level positions. In addition, learning tools to counterract the body's "fight or flight" response associated with the unhealthy type of stress should be implemented.
Learn more about my San Diego stress management therapy or California phone therapy services for executive and/or professional stress management.
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Lisa Brookes Kift is a Marriage and Family Therapist providing Individual and Couples Counseling in San Diego, California. Her unique therapy approach weaves together elements of cognitive behavioral, attachment and family of origin theories – as well as an emphasis on "emotional safety" as it relates to a strong relationship foundation. Lisa’s therapy style is compassionate, no nonsense and down-to earth. All of these things – combined with her clients’ willingness to “dig deep” - have led to great success in helping people resolve their individual issues and have more satisfying relationships.
The Mental Health Place: Recovered Memories of Childhood Abuse
(Jane Rowan is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse who discusses some of the reasons why many abuse sufferers don't remember their experience.)
Why are memories of abuse so often hidden?
This is a really hard question for people in recovery from abuse, for therapists, and for researchers. In my case, I didn’t recognize one of my early childhood memories as a memory of abuse until I was in my fifties. Then physical memories started to come back to me, memories that led me to know my father had sexually abused me. How could such a big betrayal remain hidden in the back corners of a psyche for years and years? Can we really believe memories that have been hidden so long?
It’s very common for survivors of childhood sexual abuse to suppress the memories. (Studies say from 30% to 60% of survivors experience loss of memories of abuse.) When the memories come back up, they are often in fragmentary form—a touch, a feeling of nausea, a smell, a fraction of a scene. This fragmentation has a physiological cause. The stress hormones released during frightening events suppress the hippocampus, a part of the brain vital for integrating memories. And of course, we don't get social reinforcement for recalling such things—in fact, we are forbidden to speak of them and to make them real through sharing.
The book that helped me the most with the question of recovered memories was Betrayal Trauma , by Jennifer Freyd. Freyd explains that forgetting is functional for the child because it enables her to remain in contact with the family that is essential for her survival. The closer the relationship with the abuser, the more important it is to forget the abuse in order to keep that relationship working, problematic though it is. Freyd found clear scientific data showing that kids whose abuse was reported to authorities often forgot it for years. The closer the relationship to the abuser (father vs. cousin, for example), the more likely the forgetting.
Isn’t that stunning? Yet it makes total sense. I had to keep eating cornflakes every morning opposite my father and relying on him for food, learning—and yes, love. I could not allow myself to remember the abuse in the night.
Over time, I’ve come to believe the memories brought to me by my inner child more and more firmly. They are not as clear as “Kodak moments,” but they are true.
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Jane Rowan is a New England writer. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse who healed through intense therapy, she is passionate about sharing her hard-won insights with others. Jane is the author of Caring for the Child Within—A Manual for Grownups. Caring for the Child Within-A Manual for Grownups.
